From Tension to Teamwork

Decision-making can feel hard enough on your own (cue the internal soundtrack of “Should I stay or should I go?” from The Clash) but add another person into the mix and the complexity increases exponentially. Suddenly, decision-making isn’t just about weighing options; it’s about emotions, priorities, timing, and the health of the relationship itself. Take, for example, a husband and wife considering whether to build a lakefront house. The view is breathtaking; the dream is real—and yet a quiet worry lingers beneath the excitement: What if this decision strains our relationship?

Whether we’re navigating big choices with team members at work or partners at home, the challenge is rarely the decision itself. It’s how we frame the process. When decisions are framed as battlegrounds, tension follows. But when we intentionally reframe them as opportunities for collaboration, learning, and even joy, something powerful happens: the decision becomes a relationship-strengthener rather than a relationship-stressor.

Challenge #1 - Making Decisions Together

Positive Framing When Decisions Become Conversations Worth Having

Name it: Decision making will strain our relationship.

Flip it: Decision making will not strain our relationship.

Frame it: Joyfully coming to consensus while collaborating and learning together.

Additional Positive Frames for Better Decisions That Begin with Better Conversations

• Decisions are collaborative and fun.
• Harmonious relationship.
• We arrive at a consensus in a timely manner and both people feel heard.
• Decisions help us learn about each other.
• We find kernels of joy and fun.
• Decisions result in the perfect home for both of us.

Generative Questions to Enhance Mutual Decision Making

To imagine what joyfully coming to consensus looks and feels like, the group generated questions designed to spark stories, ideas and possibilities.

• When we successfully worked through challenging things before, what did we do?
• If a headline were being written about us deciding about the house, what would it say?
• What does fun decision-making look like?
• Think of a time when we both made a decision together that did not strain our relationship. What made that happen?
• What questions do we enjoy answering about our decision-making process

Challenge #2 - Silos Aren't the Problem; Disconnected Conversations Are

Positive Framing for Cross-Silo Teamwork

Name it: We don’t work well across silos.

Flip it: We do work well across silos.

Frame it: Thriving connection for seamless work.

Additional Positive Frames

• We communicate timely and completely with other groups.
• Connection and wellbeing in working relationships.
• Silos are less obvious to employees.

Generative Questions to Strengthen Cross-Team Relationships

• If you were going to write an article about your departmental relationships, what would it say?
• What is possible now that was not possible before?
• Who exemplifies the goals of thriving connection and seamless work?
• When has this been achieved before and how did it happen?
• If you were presenting at a conference on teamwork, what would you talk about?
• What does thriving connection look like?

Conversations Worth Having Cool Tip 

The next time you're feeling conversation is feeling stuck, try a “Future Headline” reframe. Before diving into pros, cons, or spreadsheets, pause and write a pretend headline dated one year in the future about how you made the decision—not what you decided.

Examples:

• “Couple joyfully collaborates on lake house decision, laughs their way to clarity”
• “Team reaches consensus through curiosity, trust, and open dialogue”

Then ask: What behaviors, questions, and attitudes would make that headline true?

This simple exercise shifts the focus from avoiding conflict to creating an experience you’re proud of—and it works just as well in the boardroom as it does around the kitchen table.

This topic came from Conversations Worth Having's Winter 2025 Monday Kickstarters series, working sessions to figure out how to have a conversation worth having when faced with a tough situation, challenge, or problem with leadership or performance. If you have a tough situation you’d like to reframe or want to join us to continue your CWH practice, register here.

Shared by: Sylvette Wake, a certified Conversations Worth Having and Strategic Conversations Guru. Reframe your thoughts, reshape your world.

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